802maple
04-25-2010, 06:27 AM
I read this today and nearly died laughing
Jerry
The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a
pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of
Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious,
but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.
State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ
File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and
cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January
31, 2010.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that
a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr..Price,
Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the
legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run,
Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my
Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
use of natures building materials 'debris.'
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I
do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam
permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will
see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns.. My first dam concern is, aren't the
beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words,
we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them
and calling them dam names.
If you want the dammoed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to
read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will
be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are
actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not
careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
Jerry
The Dam
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a
pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of
Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious,
but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.
State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ
File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of
Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and
cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and
desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a
free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the
stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January
31, 2010.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that
a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File
No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr..Price,
Your certified letter dated 11/17/09 has been handed to me. I am the
legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run,
Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my
Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful
use of natures building materials 'debris.'
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I
do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam
permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will
see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns.. My first dam concern is, aren't the
beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State
will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words,
we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them
and calling them dam names.
If you want the dammoed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition
please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to
read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2010? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will
be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are
actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not
careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS