802maple
05-15-2011, 06:41 PM
> THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED..........
>
>
> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
> gift...
>
> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
> And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ______________________________
>
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
> bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
>
> 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> first.
>
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
>
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
> kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
> table.
>
> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
>
> "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't
> been sober since."
>
> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
> long?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
> I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care
> of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important
> to me.
>
> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home
> one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
> tiny pair of sewing scissors.
>
> I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was
> gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
>
> I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
> driveway."
>
> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's
> on TV?"
>
> I said, "Dust."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
> quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded
> to back out into a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.. I went back
> into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed... I cuddled up
> to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The
> weather out there is terrible."
>
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in that?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds."
>
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>
> And that's how the fight started......
>
> ________________________________
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
> verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
> and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
>
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
> hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
> Security application..
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
> Security office...
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
> with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
> ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> I replied, "Your eyesight's **** near perfect."
>
> And that's how the fight started.........
>
__________________________________
ONE DAY 2 MAPLE SUGARMAKERS WERE TALKING AND ONE SAID TO THE OTHER. YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE REAR FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND, AND I CAN MAKE BETTER SYRUP THEN YOU.
THATS HOW THE FIGHT STARTED......... LOL
>
>
> One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
> gift...
>
> The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
> "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
> And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ______________________________
>
> My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
> bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
>
> 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
>
> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> first.
>
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
>
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
>
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
> kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
> table.
>
> I asked her, "Do you know him?"
>
> "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't
> been sober since."
>
> "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that
> long?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
> I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care
> of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important
> to me.
>
> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home
> one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a
> tiny pair of sewing scissors.
>
> I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was
> gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
>
> I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the
> driveway."
>
> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's
> on TV?"
>
> I said, "Dust."
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
> quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded
> to back out into a torrential downpour.
>
> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
> radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.. I went back
> into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed... I cuddled up
> to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The
> weather out there is terrible."
>
> My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in that?"
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
> She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds."
>
> I bought her a bathroom scale.
>
> And that's how the fight started......
>
> ________________________________
>
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
> verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
> and come back later.
>
> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
>
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
> hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
> Security application..
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
> Security office...
>
> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability, too.'
>
> And that's how the fight started...
>
> ________________________________
>
> My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
> with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and
> ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>
> I replied, "Your eyesight's **** near perfect."
>
> And that's how the fight started.........
>
__________________________________
ONE DAY 2 MAPLE SUGARMAKERS WERE TALKING AND ONE SAID TO THE OTHER. YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE REAR FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND, AND I CAN MAKE BETTER SYRUP THEN YOU.
THATS HOW THE FIGHT STARTED......... LOL